“We can choose to live a life in shame and regret, or we can choose His grace which is sufficient for all.”
It’s incredible how many women share their abortion story after hearing mine. They nod their heads in agreement when I speak about the seemingly ever present depression and inconsolable grief, intrusive nightmares, paralyzing anxiety, occasional waves of feeling like I want to die, feeling like I murdered my child, etc. I mistakenly thought I was alone in my shame and despair only to discover there are thousands, maybe millions, who have experienced similar reactions to their abortion(s).
My story is not unique — having unexpectedly gotten pregnant and are shocked–experiencing the typical feelings and questions associated with an unplanned pregnancy, including:
To be clear, I believed in God and Jesus Christ. But, my understanding of God was negatively skewed. I blindly saw Him as angry, judgmental, and unforgiving regarding the ultimate sin of taking an innocent life. Instead of running to Him, I fearfully ran away from Him.
For years, I suffered silently – alone. Whatever I tried, I could not get past the darkness and hollowness in my soul. I was terrified to seek help. I would often say to myself, “If they only knew…” I lived behind a mask in fear, shame, and despair. Finally, “when the pain outweighed the shame” I sought professional Christian counseling and began my healing journey.
Looking back, I think I just cried for the first two sessions! Once the tears subsided, I began talking and examining the circumstances surrounding my decision, the lies I clung to, and the insurmountable amount of pressure that was felt that led to my decision.
I went from begging God to take my life (that I didn’t want to live any longer) to praising Him for the renewed joy I had received through Jesus Christ. I came to see that grace is a choice and that for years I had rejected God’s free offering. It took me a long time to believe that God could still love and want ME and forgives ALL sin, even mine.
After my counseling process was concluded I went back to college to obtain a Social Work degree. I did not want other women (or men) to suffer like I had suffered and wanted to help others as I had been graciously helped.
That passion remains today. I am humbled and determined to assist leading others to the truth and to the One who will “wipe away every tear.”
“The Empty Womb”